It’s been some time since I’ve seen the sun. The smile on my face tells another story. Although the afternoon fills the room with grey, cool melancholy. I feel the warmth of the sun every time I see his face. In my mind, it warms my heart, but when he is with me, it warms my soul. To love someone is all things. The shiny, happy people that exist also do so in the dullness of the passing moments. As we sit together, very much apart he knows he is loved. The existence of it is precious, but not weak. Love is strong and doesn’t fall out of. Once you love, that is it. You have it to give, and you are able to receive. In this instance the love is for my son who doesn’t need a definition. He just knows he feels safe when he is with me. The feeling is not questioned, even in times of frustration. And we wake each day knowing we will always have each other. Nothing else in this world is as matter of fact and given as the act of Love.
We don’t own love nor do we own those we love. In fact love is allowing it to be what it wants. Love isn’t controlled, manipulated or demanded. And the only way to love is through your own. We can only love what we love of ourselves. The beauty of the world can only be seen through the eyes of those who believe there is beauty to be seen. And the only way to believe is to believe in yourself. This isn’t through ego or validation. Both are the opposite of love and will continue our society down a path of hate, anger and self righteousness. As long as everyone is agreeing with us or applauding everything we do, we will continue to confuse love with entitlement. It’s when we are brave enough to apologize, forgive and see that others can do the same when we break these destructive patterns.
When we choose to love ourselves, we choose to accept our flaws and to share our confidence. Accepting is not pushing these flaws on to others, but to understand they are there and feel empathy when they impact those around us. They are like the strokes of the brush that are never seen yet still make up the most magnificent art piece. They must exist in order for the beauty to come through the canvas. In times of struggle, we write sad songs; in times of weakness, we set goals for a better future; in times of anger, we look to ourselves to be more kind. It’s these moments that allow us to appreciate love. Heart ache exists because we love others who are also flawed. Heart break happens when we let ourselves down. Both are examples of why love doesn’t always feel good. What it does though is make us feel. It’s up to us what we do with those feelings. Take a deep breathe, remember you love who you are and go find out who that is.
Dishes in the Sink 