Drifting

In a daze, the haze lifts upon the morning lake. Like glass the water feels smooth on my fingertips as they just touch the surface. They tingle with delight sensing the depth just inches below where the turtles dance. My body finds the strength to pull itself from my board to find myself a drift in the middle of the lake. The only life around me, the sounds of nature and a lone fisherman standing so still I don’t consider him there.

The push of my paddle stroking the water is intoxicating like a wet dream. A three dimensional moment as I peer into the lake and watch as the seaweed sways, look up to the sky as the egret takes flight and breathe deeply this life’s emotional wave.

When I’m here, I’m no where else. When I’m somewhere else, I’m here. When the world tries to swallow me whole, I run to the place I can drift. Where no one can catch me and my mind, body & soul belong to me. Here there is no need to scream or cry. No need to run. The turtles seek nothing other than sunlight. The fisherman cares are gone and my own are too. My mind seeks only what is right in front of me.

Schedules, deadlines and responsibility do not live on the lake. And when they live in the present and I feel so trapped I can’t breathe, my mind takes me to the silky, cool water that sends me only where it chooses to go. Without a sail, I am pulled away from land so I may breathe deeply again. This place I go, the natural world, with no preconceived notions or judgements. It embraces my soul when I’m feeling alone in the world. No longer on an island, this is where I am free, drifting into the water’s embrace.

Times Like These

When you pick up that large grocery bag, or three or five because why not put one on each finger, it weighs you down. Maybe it even strains your shoulder a bit, but you trudge on. Or do you? You could pick up that gallon of milk in the other hand too, because let’s face it, you got this. What happens when you do? Suddenly the strain from the other shoulder begins to subside and you walk more upright. Sure it’s still a strain but now you are moving right along. Why is this? Because you are balanced.

No this isn’t a Science class, although funny how human behavior really is a Science. Life is a balance. And more so now than ever we need to understand just how to do that. In the example of the bags and the milk, you have a choice. And life is just that, a series of choices you get to make. Sure you could drop the bag in hopes someone else will get it or you could just grab one at a time making the trip to the kitchen more bearable, but obviously longer. Perhaps you could just carry the load as I had chosen, but no matter what you do, the choice is yours. There is no right or wrong answer. Some of us wish to think that the lazy way of dropping the bag for someone else would be wrong, but maybe you don’t realize that the person that made that choice did so in order to receive much needed relief from a medical condition or was dropping them to run after a family member getting ready to fall. The universe doesn’t judge. We see it all the time, or we think we do, the rich getting richer while those of us that work hard just seem to have to work harder. But is seeing believing? The truth is none of us know what someone else may be going through and in order to achieve balance, you really shouldn’t care. What happens when someone asks to take one of those bags off your fingers? I bet you shout no way, I got this! Why? Well we will drop all the other bags and lose balance! So point taken, it’s not for anyone else to provide us the balance we need in life. No amount of judging and blaming others is going to get you to where you need to be. No, balance takes self discipline. And once you achieve it, you won’t ever go back.

They say it takes a traumatic experience for someone to really change. And so here’s your chance! My life pre-COVID, was definitely one that needed more balance. Although I must say that for those who always wondered how I did it all, single parenting, working full time, home ownership; it was balance. And those times I found myself less than happy, well those were the times I dropped the bags. Not only dropped but in good ol’ Dana fashion, dropped and broke the glass milk jug all over the floor. So if I focused on that, the spilled milk per say, then unhappiness would creep in and put its firm grip around my life. But when I scream at the milk, clean it up and forget about it or hey, maybe learn from it; my happy place is left unscathed. The point is you’re going to have tough moments and some of those moments last months, years even, some only hours. But don’t let those times allow to take a hold of what you are living now. Look at how far you have come, who surrounds you and where you are going. Stay focused on the task, but don’t let it control your world. Our children are learning in a whole new way and we are doing our best. Be good to you and them, let go and learn to know your emotions. No one can do that for you. If you are in tune with yourself, you will know what sets you off and how much you can handle. Back off before things get to this point. Nothing is that important. Nothing is more important than you. Those around you cannot thrive and maintain a healthy balance if you are always negative because that would mean in order to maintain balance they would always need to be positive and after 16 years of marriage trying, I have found out that is not humanly possible, no matter how much you like to laugh.

Take advantage of this time no matter your situation to focus on yourself. It is not our jobs to juggle everyone around us. But, it’s when you achieve that balance that suddenly you can. “It’s Times Like These you learn to live again”.

“I Read the News Today Oh Boy…”

Did you read the news today? Did you know that people who curse a lot are smarter than the rest of the world? And are you aware of the 10 tips that every successful person does that you probably aren’t doing? What about the latest trends? Have you seen your eyebrows lately?! If you haven’t then….Don’t look!

With the overload of information the internet has provided us it is so easy to get caught up in whatever your Facebook feed is selling you today. Or maybe it is your local news or the ridiculous amounts of choices we have at the grocery store with every marketing ploy to tell us what is really good for us. But let me fill you in on a secret, none of that is making you wiser.

Our world is full of contradictions. If you were to clip out and save every Huffington Post article, marketing campaign and celebrity opinion you would have something like this:

Take your time. Just do it!

Don’t be so naive. You are too cynical.

Be more open! Don’t be so emotional.

Love to the fullest! Don’t fall too fast.

I’ve spent a lot more time alone in recent years and one thing you know you can always count on are your thoughts. Us humans come with our own amazing devices such as instincts and conscience. Those devices, however, fade over time and are instead filled with preconceived ideas from outside sources. But something very interesting happens when you reject mainstream society and actually listen to your own thoughts. You realize that you know more than you ever thought you had. And you know that you know. You know what is right, because if you are good you will always be right. And good doesn’t come from liking the post that manipulates you into thinking you are a horrible person if you don’t. It comes from liking who you are and being confident enough to believe in your self. And maybe if we all stripped down to this notion that we can believe in ourselves, we can begin to believe in humanity again.

So stop reading my blog and no you can’t eat an avocado seed. Cosmo won’t tell you how to have better sex and your horoscope isn’t right. Just go and be human, if only you can remember how.

I Have a Million Things to do Today

You wake in a fog, coming down from the work week, one day in of the short break we call the weekend. It’s easy like Sunday morning. And if even for just 15 minutes, the time is yours.

We all need a break they say and most of us rushing to make breakfast for our kids, pay the bills or fill the impossible requests for your time during said weekend don’t really take one. But I bet you do. Maybe you’re the one sitting on the John with phone in hand just a little too long, or your shouting “I’m going to take the trash out!” while getting in a few puffs of a cigg. Either way, these are breaks and they are yours.

This morning it felt as though I was on vacation. This break lasting a full 30 minutes, I had enough time to open the windows (which in my house is equivalent to a short session at a cross fit gym). As I pulled up a bench, literally, I felt the magnificence of the outdoors coming in to my home to share it’s time with me. Needless to say, as an allergy sufferer, it’s been a while since I’ve let some air in the house.

The morning sunlight poured in like wine from a bottle and in those minutes every sense felt fulfilled. I haven’t even mentioned the coffee in hand with just enough cinnamon to make me aware of the slight coolness the breeze had to offer. I could no longer see the stacks of papers in the room, the piles to be cleaned. I couldn’t hear the voices in my head telling me how much I needed to get done today because it would be my last chance before the next weekend would arrive. I simply sat and felt. Then I looked up and noticed the huge clock on the wall….ah the clock, my archenemy.

The morale of this story? Mindfulness. It’s the time you have, no matter how short. It’s the focus on your senses, no matter where you are. It’s the people you are with, the breeze upon your face, the beautiful views of the countryside you probably take for granted on your morning commutes. Take full advantage of this mindfulness each day and it will do amazing things for your patience and self control. Soon enough the starting gun will be reminding you the weekend is over and you really weren’t on vacation this whole time.