You can look for it all your life. And there were times you thought you had found it. IT is always there. Sure there may be days, months and even years that pass where you are free to be completely in love with your time, your life….you. They say that’s the healthiest way to find IT, to be sure you have IT first. But even during these times, IT is in the back of your mind, sometimes you may find it as your pillow or in a song. Lots of times it comes as the bottom of a bottle of red.
IT makes you cry, laugh and question your existence. If you don’t have IT is there something wrong with you? I know there have been times I certainly have felt that way. But then I realized I do have IT. I met this tiny person 11 years ago that I helped to grow. I mean IT was just given to me, a gift! How did I deserve this? I have never felt this way before. IT came in the form of my son and IT didn’t take anything at all. IT came the minute I knew he was a part of me. Then he became US and we were intertwined. I took care of US, I spent time with US, I thought about OUR future and he was always on my mind.
How could this be? So easy, there was no doubt this was IT. And when he was in my arms for the first time I knew exactly what IT was and haven’t questioned IT since. IT was of course, LOVE. I’m convinced my son and I are soul mates. We know what each other are feeling more than we do ourselves. We talk about what our past lives were like and what our future lives might be like. We are very serious, funny and crazy. We are never just a little bit of anything, we are always a whole lot of everything. And usually way too much for anyone else.
I can’t imagine life without him so much so that I just don’t ever. He taught me what IT was. IT is unconditional. I know what that means now too! And it dawned on me that until he arrived, I had never had anyone feel IT for me. But now I do. And suddenly my life became more precious. I want to be a better person. He makes me believe that I am capable of doing so. I question anyone or anything that doesn’t have our best interest at heart and take it head on like some kind of woman warrior. The strength he has given me to fight systems that don’t allow him to fit in, to stand up to people that don’t accept us for who we are or cross our boundaries is more than I could have ever known. I spent most of my life playing victim to people that didn’t want the best for me until he came to be.
It’s truly amazing what IT can do for you. It’s a healing power, providing confidence that you may not have without IT. It’s not even something you need to do anything for. When you have IT you just want the best for this person. IT comes naturally and providing comfort, support and empathy are like little rewards for being human.
I hope that everyone has IT. Some way, some how; in a sister, a friend, a lover….a son. IT will save your life. And once you have IT, telling you to hold on to IT is pointless because you will already know that. You will never take IT for granted. Negative feelings will become conversations that needed to happen. IT will open your eyes to new ideas or make you reach inside to find who you really are and ask you what you really want.
Now that I know what IT is I am open to find even more of IT. IT pays itself forward and allows you to find others that are also looking for IT. In all the years of absence, I never realized how much it was making my heart grow fonder.
Dishes in the Sink 