Strength cannot be taught. It is something that one can only learn through their own experiences. Each one of us handles trauma in different ways. If I choose to be kind to my child I am showing him compassion.  When I do things for him he is appreciative. Because in many instances he understands that I am not always able to help him in the way he wants me to. He understands the struggle that we carry being a single parent household. At nine years old he himself has been through his own trauma.

He knows that when the sink is running, for instance, I can’t hear him speak. And if he needs something that he must come to me and ask rather than me wait on him.  He understands that he must open the door for me each and every night because he is not able to carry heavy loads as of yet. When he asks for a drink at bedtime it is always followed by an apology that he didn’t ask sooner and feels bad making me go back down the stairs. I always tell him that I certainly don’t mind because he is kind to me too and we help each other. And then sometimes I just tell him to go get it himself.  The ability that my son and I have to be able to ask each other for help when needed is our strength. So when you see my child playing video games or me giving him his favorite cookie and being more than happy to pour him a glass of milk it is because it  is well-deserved.

Some of us see others on social media as an example and may think “wow what a great life she must have, must be nice”. But strength lies in knowing how hard I worked to  be in that moment. And at times it may only be treating myself to a glass of wine, maybe a night out for dinner, or just putting my feet up and watching a movie.   Strength also comes from not having to defend or explain yourself to others. I know how far I’ve come and how hard I have faught. I have no desire to prove that to anyone else.

Strength is not how big of a wall you can build. It is not how hard you can hit or how little you cry. No, strength is kindness, compassion, love. Strength is  patience, regard for others, and the ability to know when you yourself  need to take a step back and give yourself all of the above. Don’t confuse strength with toughness. The latter will only leave you with an empty heart.  It is true what they say strength comes from within. You cannot take a class in it, ask for it or borrow it. You must  simply learn how to cope.

The happiest people I know are the most grateful. That’s a start.