No one, not one thing is perfect.  What does the word even mean?  My son has asked me from time to time.  I can’t say as I really understand how to answer.

And those that think they may know someone that is, typically are the furthest from what I do think perfect might actually be. The word itself gives off a negative connotation.  If you think some one or some thing may be perfect, then you are stating everything outside of that is imperfect.  Then how do we define imperfect? 

It seems as though it is associated with anything that may make others uncomfortable. Out of the ordinary is not necessarily imperfect.  It could be a beautiful display of art, something so unique.  Rather though, it is those that choose to be their ordinary selves that evoke disgust or rejection from others.

I’ve encountered this more than I would have ever like to since my son was born.  While it is to be expected that other kids can be cruel at times, I was not fully prepared to see the cruelty of the school system.  My son entered first grade happily.  He was no doubt, overly stimulated by the loud students, extroverted teachers and large building.  To amend that, I was brought in for observation and viewed a teacher rewarding my son with a light up bouncy ball when he would sit quietly.  Oh yes, let’s provide a 7 year old with more stimulation, then punish him for using it during class, in which was the place it was given to him.

From then on, the phone calls and emails from teachers, principals and counselors poured in.  Berating is the word that comes to mind.  And as a single parent with no one else to take the load, it was border line harassment.  I began providing supports for my son, had him diagnosed (Aspergers at the time), therapy, but I did not understand what could be offered by the school.  That very moment of his diagnosis, the school met with me advising they would place him in a school that suited his needs better.  No special needs coordinator or IEP, just kicked out into a school where kids were put in rooms to be screamed at as though they were in boot camp.  Metal detectors lined the entrances.  My son was horrified, scared and so was I.

I wrote the district’s superintendent.  He agreed, he was angry he was never made aware of my son and his situation and immediately got me in touch with the Special Needs coordinator who taught me all about IEP’s and support classes.  We got him out and  put him in a better environment, but the damage was done.  My son no longer could trust adults, teachers or principals.

Unfortunately, trauma takes time to work through, and as he grew into middle school, he carried that weight.  Teachers frequently report that my son “thinks the world is out to get him”.  And I frequently remind them of what he has been through.  All the while being bullied day in and day out.  Beat up, called retard and receiving death threats to the point where sheriffs provide their cell numbers in case I may need them in the future. Yet the school staff continues to ignore it all, putting the blame of my son’s “bad behavior” on him and I.  And I continue to remind them that they are not following his IEP.  That they will not see changed behavior if they cannot provide a changed environment.  Meeting after meeting, it is only when I pull in another advocate and begin to push back that his needs are ”somewhat” met. 

To further show you just how uncomfortable my son and I make the perfect people at his school, just the other day I received a visit from a social worker with allegations that I am abusive.  My son was scared and immediately stated he would never think this, of course.

The report came in that because my son wears coats, even when it’s warm outside, he must be covering up physical abuse.  They stated that he watches violent videos and his art work is disturbing.  There is no hiding the fact that my son loves horror.  And as long as he is not threatening others or himself, I am supportive of this interest.  He tells stories, creates videos and loves psychological situations, including SciFi.  He is in middle school and can certainly be awkward at times.  He has been wearing coats throughout his years in school because it makes him feel safe and keeps the germs off he says.  As soon as he comes home he takes it all off and is the typical shorts and tshirt kinda kid.  He is that disgusted by school, that he has certain clothes he won’t even touch once he is home.  He is intelligent and extremely observant.  He is imperfect.  However he is very good at reading others moods.  He understands politics and corruption.  Loves history and gaming.  He is extremely out of the ordinary, yet completely and genuinely himself.

So at the end of the day, I ask those that accuse me of being a bad parent and my son of being a bad kid….are you perfect?  I wonder if every time you see someone or something that looks different than you, acts a little odd and might even be a little sarcastic and bold, you judge them?  You tell yourself there must be something wrong with his home, his friends, his use of screens because at the end of the day, it couldn’t possibly be my classroom, my teaching, me that is causing this imperfection?

I don’t know much about the personal lives of these educators, but I do know this.  They don’t have autism.  And the one’s always looking to find things wrong with my son instead of figuring out how to make things right for him (because isn’t that their job, to work with kids and help them learn in their way) don’t have kids that can’t complete a task without zoning out.  Do they have kids at home that are so sensitive that it is a daily struggle just to get them to wash their hair or face?  Not because their kids, but because it is actually painful?  Do they know what it is like to see their kid want to talk about psychology and the study of seals more than wanting to play baseball?  Or to understand that their child needs extra time because they are slow processors?  That they are not able to answer a question within your time frame?  That they need to think and sometimes they over think, obsess and become stuck on one thing.  And if they did have these kids at home, would they not want their schools to provide these supports?  Supports such as time and patience, peace and quiet, the ability to take time to answer questions and use thought instead of being constantly berated to hurry up.   My son’s disgust for school has nothing to do with his education.  He is interested.  But if you are expected to go to a rave to learn about biology, how would you behave?  How much would you be able to absorb and learn?  Let’s throw you into a pot of chaos and then tell you to finish your assignments, not be irritable or distracted. 

I have always believed that perfection is a disgusting disguise of those who judge others.  Anyone not being genuinely who they are with expectation that others act this way as well should be defined as being perfect and held to their impossible standard.  My son and I will continue to be imperfect, lively freely with no desire to be influenced by your preconceived ideas of what a single mother and autistic son should be.  We are our own and I can assure you that we are more honest and loving towards each other than most families with two parents or siblings.  We do it our way and we will no longer apologize for not fitting in your class room.